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Identify

I wrote my name and important numbers on a paper

I slipped it in my t-shirts pocket, I had to wear it

If something was to happen, at least my identity would be known

I wore my heart on my sleeve

I was playing with my fingertips

Scratching

Tugging

Pinching

Anything that would stop my tears from forming

They poked their heads into the car looking dead into our heads

They were more than six

I couldn’t dare to move

Yes, I wasn’t as strong as I said I will always be

I thought if someone came up to me, I’d just punch them

I thought I was that strong

But when they looked at me, I froze

If I didn’t, what would’ve happen to me

I held on my hands so tightly

I don’t know how I found comfort in that

I swear I didn’t realize that I was holding my breath

I was looking straight ahead at the man sweating from head to toe

He was trembling, an old man in his 40s

They took him out of his car to search through

They let him go but he was so afraid

I was worried he’d get a heart attack

Breath

The truck that was behind us, approaches us, stand beside us

Something went blank as he hits the truck horn

He proceeds to go, not stopping for the check these RSF soldiers are holding

I thought they would blow us up any second now

I thought they would think of it as disrespect and get furious

Everything went blank

Seconds seems like a lifetime

As one of the traitors were heading up to the truck all angry

Another traitor calls to him and tells him not to

No sense of relief yet

I was afraid

Everything seemed to go slower

I could be killed

I could lose my friend or her uncle

I could be taken and played with

I could, I could, but it didn’t happen and we safely reached

I was fine, safety was all that mattered, nothing else was in my mind

Not like now, almost three months later and I am analyzing how I felt

My heart hurts

I sent my last goodbye pictures to my brother along with my live location

My eyes were lifeless

I had already given up on life, so ready to just die

I thought it would happen, well it wasn’t so far away

I had my identification on my pocket

I had my identification so carefully written

So you can identify me if I was ever to be found laying dead

Breath

~But my stupid mind wrote it in English,

Forgetting that half the country’s first language is Arabic

And we still laugh at my stupid identification paper~

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